Ruthie & Connie' are women who changed lives, perceptions
By Ann Hodges
Copyright 2003 Houston Chronicle TV Critic - June 26, 2003

Ruthie & Connie: Every Room in the House fits the self-imposed billboard of Cinemax's ongoing "Reel Life" documentary series: "unflinching, unfiltered, unafraid, unforgettable, real-life subject matters."

Connie Kurtz, left, and Ruthie Berman take part in New York City's gay pride parade, and their story unfolds at 6 p.m. June 25 on Cinemax. The matter here is a very personal story of two Jewish women who left their husbands and children and shocked their tightly knit Brooklyn neighborhood when they announced they were having a lesbian affair.

This is their story, and they tell it in their way and their own words. But it's a story, too, of how times and taboos have changed since Ruthie and Connie moved in together.

"Lovers for 25 years, friends for 40 years," their anniversary banners proclaim. When they first met in that close community of middle-class Jewish families, they were both married with children.

"I married the first man who asked me, but I always felt something was missing," Ruthie recalls as they leaf through her wedding-day pictures. Connie has pictures of her wedding, too. "Look, there I am with my mother. When I got married, I didn't know there was any other way."

In 1970, Connie and her family went off to Israel. It was on her first trip back to Brooklyn that the longtime friends became lovers.

"It was an insane situation for me," she says. She remembers telling herself, "I have to go back to Israel to my family."

She did go back, but the affair continued by mail. Then Connie came back to Brooklyn for good, and her life with Ruthie began.

At first, they pretended to be just roommates, with separate rooms. But long ago, they gave that up. They came out of the closet on national TV.

They appeared on the Geraldo talk show, and there's a clip here from their 1988 appearance on the Phil Donahue Show, when the topic was Ruth's lawsuit against the New York City public schools.

She was a teacher in New York City, and in 1994 she and several other litigants won their long legal fight to get domestic-partner medical and dental benefits for gay and lesbian couples, not just in schools, but also for all New York City employees.

Since then, Ruthie and Connie have been conducting gay and lesbian workshops around the country. Several -- one with parents of gays and lesbians -- are included here.

They also take part in New York City's gay pride parade, and introduce the rabbi of their New York synagogue. The rabbi is a lesbian, and she presides over the celebration of their 25th anniversary as a couple.

Ruth and Connie talk about their still-rocky relationships with some of their children, and one of Connie's daughters appears with her mother. Their other children chose not to appear in this documentary "for privacy reasons."

Their friends from Brooklyn drop by to tell how that relationship shook up everyone in their old neighborhood 25 years ago. "You were an embarrassment to the entire community," says one man, who's become a supportive friend.

Ruth recalls that at one time the "dilemma" for her was whether to leave Connie, leave her husband and her children, or jump off a high bridge.

She chose Connie -- "together as lesbians and as Jewish women." And they also chose to open up their lives to this documentary. If there are regrets about the choices they've made, you won't see them here.

Still, though -- and even after all these years -- Ruthie & Connie: Every Room in the House is as much a plea for understanding and approval as it is a statement about their lives.